How to Stay Calm When Others Are Dysregulated

One of the most challenging parts of leadership is learning how to stay calm when others are dysregulated.

A stressed colleague.

An emotional team member.

A reactive partner.

A dysregulated child.

For women in leadership roles, emotional steadiness often becomes part of the job. But staying calm when others are dysregulated does not mean suppressing yourself.

It means anchoring yourself first.

When someone else is activated, your nervous system may instinctively:

• Tense

• Speed up

• Try to fix or placate

• Shut down

These are protective responses — not personal failures.

Learning how to stay calm when others are dysregulated starts with awareness.

You do not need to match someone else’s nervous system state to remain connected.

Grounded presence is often more stabilising than advice.

This can look like:

• Slowing your breath before responding

• Feeling your feet on the floor

• Keeping your tone steady

• Allowing silence instead of rushing to solve

When you stay regulated, you model safety.

Leadership is not about absorbing chaos.

It is about maintaining steadiness within it.

If you regularly find yourself overwhelmed by others’ emotions, your nervous system may need stronger internal anchoring.

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You are allowed to stay grounded — even when others aren’t.