Updated: Sep 13, 2022
Most people think that healing our past is painful. And, whilst reflecting on our past can resurface negative experiences, it’s also the most liberating experience of all. We need to reframe healing and the responsibility of it, so that we avoid creating barriers that stop our growth now and so that we stop passing our pains and fears on to future generations.
In childhood, we develop coping mechanisms to protect ourselves from our worst perceived fears. These fears form in our early years from infancy… our fear of abandonment, our fear of losing a loved one, not being good enough, not being loved, being judged. In this, we lose the essence of our true Self with all of the other roles we have to play to please our caregivers. We’ve already taken on their wounds through generational programming.
So, what we do is find ways to play roles that meet the expectations others have of us; the perfect child, the perfect student, the perfect friend, employee, neighbour. In this, we gradually move further away from our authentic Self anyway, by dimming our own light. Instead of exploring in wonderment and innocence as a child, we start programming our behaviours to meet the needs of others – of those in our environment.
We also form our own expectations unconsciously, or subconsciously that others will fulfil our unmet childhood needs. We then project this on our adult relationships.
The problem with this way of life is that we overlook the essence of who we are and in adulthood, continue to live in conditioned structures imprinted on us in childhood and that are passed on generationally. We push these conditional structures so deep into our subconscious, that it’s often hard or ‘painful’ to bring them back to our conscious awareness so that as adults we can take responsibility for our healing and address these conditions and consciously release them to prevent passing them on to future generations.
We can choose to continue making unconscious choices and play the roles that may go against what’s true to us, or we can make the healing journey a beautiful and liberating experience that leads us to our true nature and purpose, and ultimately back to our authentic Self. Who says it has to be painful? That’s just the negative energetic emotion we assign to it.
What we end up doing is living in a cycle and then we bring our children and loved ones into our cycles of conditions. So, we shout at our children when they don’t give us the answer we’re looking for, or we tell them they’re being naughty because they’re not doing what we want them to do. We imprint the ideas of good and bad through our conditioning and experiences.
Will you break the cycle?
This journey is all about healing… and healing is about letting go and trusting our intention is pure. In order to let go, we have to first get to the root of the fear, neglect or condition, understand how it has or is impacting us today, accept that it’s a past experience and do something to let it go.
Here are five tips to help you heal your programs:
Journal it – I find writing by hand allows your stream of consciousness to flow so ask your Self how you feel and why
Spend time with children in your family – observe them in their world and see what they see (just because we’re adults it’s doesn’t mean we know it all – in fact we’ve lost ourselves and children teach us how to come back to our true Self)
Spend time alone – introspection is vital and leads to understanding, acceptance and making conscious choices
Realise that emotions are changeable – energy is generally neutral and it’s our experiences and conditions that assign positivity and negativity to our emotions (if it’s in the past it doesn’t have to still have a hold on you. It’s a choice to live by past experiences, or to give each new moment a fresh chance)
Do some body healing – go for a massage, reflexology session, yoga class, work out or spend time walking in nature to release the energy and tension from the body and energetic field.
When you’re excavating your past programs – look at it objectively, with a neutral energy and as an observer. This allows us to take the emotion out of it leading to understanding and acceptance, so we can release it instead of holding it our mind, heart or body.
When we take the time to work on ourselves and heal our past conditions, we allow space for ourselves to grow and importantly, for future generations to grow without imprinting and passing on our past conditions and judgements.
“When we give ourselves the opportunity to heal from our past pains, we create space for ourselves and others to be true and to give from our heart, without the chains and barriers of the defence mechanisms built up in childhood” - Divya Chandegra
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